He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
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It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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