whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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