I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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