i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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