he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
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