I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
