Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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