My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
ugly people sure do ruin things
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
