i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Randomize
