hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
