My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
