this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
