I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
