please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
