Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
