he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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