Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
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