There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
