I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
