I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
