are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
