I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Randomize
