every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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