Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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