Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
