i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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