Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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