One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
