so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
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Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
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The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
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