the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
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you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
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I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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