as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
