jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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