i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
