Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
