wanna go halves on a baby?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
