I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
