The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
