Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
