What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
