She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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