Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize