So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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