Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
