My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
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THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
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When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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