We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
