You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
