she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
