he shaved USA in his pubs
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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