I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
