Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
