I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
