"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
