the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
