I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Randomize
