You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
only you would photoshop your dick
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
