Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize