my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
