I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
He told me they were just razor bumps!
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
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