you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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