jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize