The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
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