Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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