That's intense
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
