im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
