omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
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