No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
