Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
