Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." π ππ·
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