I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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