i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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