plz talk dirty to me
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
