I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
