i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
